I am trying to see things in perspective. My dog wants a bite of my peanut butter chocolate chip bagel. I know she cannot have this, because chocolate makes dogs very sick. My dog does not understand this. She pouts and wraps herself around my leg like a scarf and purrs and tries to convince me to give her just a tiny bit. When I do not give in, she eventually gives up and lays in the corner, under the piano, drooping and sad. I hope the universe has my best interest in mind like I have my dog’s. When I want something with my whole being, and the universe withholds it from me, I hope the universe thinks to herself: "Silly girl. She thinks this is what she wants, but she does not understand how it will hurt.
Wha???Yeah this was basically my reaction. Cranky old man and my sister think manipulation (and they don’t care), best friend thinks I should be happy she finally admitted she fucked up (which I am) and I think I’m finally dealing with my issues with her. But I’m so confused because she’s acting with common sense and there’s slight affection in her tone and I’m on the fence. At this point I’m just winging it I think..
Holy shit. Okay so I called my mother and asked her if my appointment was today (she’s the one who originally told me the second, its actually tomorrow) and while we’re on the phone her voice cracks slightly and she mumbles something and we have two minutes where I’m asking her what’s wrong and she finally tells me after I say “just tell me goddammit”(said nicely..) and its basically how she’s feeling taken advantage of and used and I’m kind of speechless and I convey to her how me, my sister and her all attract people like that, and how she’s finally trying and its okay to break down and how I’m proud she’s finally acknowledging her wrongdoings and I feel strangely calm and I realized I’m finally dealing with my mommy issues and she actually sounded guilty she hadn’t paid me back and I don’t know what to do now, I’m so confused. Also I think I’m crying.
Edit: a few weeks ago my mother suddenly tells me she’s gonna move and it basically ends with her crying and her begging for a hug (this was also the first time she admitted she fucked up) and apparently I’m also going to help her move tomorrow after my appointment.